Yabba Dabba Doo!

Stone Age cuisine - the word caught my eye the other day in the daily newspaper. A Berlin neighborhood restaurant (the “Sauvage” in Neukölln) makes furore with this topic, the TV reporters are queuing up… Let’s do a little research - what is this actually? After all, the Stone Age lasted almost 2.5 million years, they can have tried a lot of recipes…

The “paleolithic” diet has set itself the goal to provide us only with the things that also had the Neanderthal before the shotgun - uh, club. So meat, fish, berries, roots, fruits, vegetables, nuts. No pre-produced food, no sugar, no flour (why not?). In the late Stone Age, after all, the first farmers were already observed from the safe environment of the alien spaceship decks), no dairy products, no oil, … regional and seasonal - is supposed to be healthy… The theory is controversial, after all genetic adaptations of humans since the Neolithic period on the changed food situation were proven. Or was that also the aliens? Anyway, the ingredient list sounds compatible enough with my normal cooking activities that I’ll venture a “Stone Age dish” for once.

I kill a wild boar and cut out one of the fillets that traditionally go to the clan chief. I chop it into medallions with a hand axe and roast them briefly over an open flame. The women have gathered parsnip roots and a few onions, they will be baked with thyme herb from the stock (if the Neanderthal knew digital ovens, he would say: 90 minutes at 180°, then briefly grilled over. But we wouldn’t understand him anyway with his original language).

Meanwhile, one or two handfuls of large-fruited cranberries stew on a stone plate, with a little water so that they do not burn. We also add thyme herb. It is said to drive away evil spirits that make us cough and make breathing difficult. We also add a piece of the captured honeycomb, because we appreciate its sweetness. One of our adventurers has brought from the south a strange orange fruit, it smells very aromatic and is juicy. We add a piece of the peel, because we prefer to eat the juicy pieces raw.

Then we put the meat on the hot plate, on which a piece of the fatty stuff under the skin has first been made liquid, and brown it from both sides until the blood stops oozing out. In honor of the cough spirits, we now put some of the cooked berries on top. To this we add the cooked onions and roots. To make them taste just right, we add some of the fermented and sour grapes that have held up so miraculously since summer. This is how I eat the hearty meal.

stone plate with boar medallions with grilled parsnips, with red onions, cranberries